oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
