and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
