So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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