so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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