mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
