I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
