how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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