Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize