your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
