Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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