my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
