whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
