eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize