everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
