soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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