If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I touched a dick in church today
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
