Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
