You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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