im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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