There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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