Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
