he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
