I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
