Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
