he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize