Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
