don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
