i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
