Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
