He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
