I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
