I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
