I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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