The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
