yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize