Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
