the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
