he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
