i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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