I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
