and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im part way to drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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