whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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