About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
