I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
