I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
