I look better un-naked...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
