The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Plan B is the new Plan A
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
