I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize