i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
