I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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