I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
high people should be assigned attendants
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
