This is not my ceiling
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
