Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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