dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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