Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
