i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
