True but thats because hes a fetus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
