If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
