the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
