I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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