i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
