I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
