Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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