google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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