Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
