I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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