After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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