My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
