but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
