I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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