Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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