I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
