I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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