It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize