Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
